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August 12, 2011 at 9:46 am Enter your password to view comments.
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July 31, 2011 at 10:06 am Enter your password to view comments.
I need a de-stress machine
Alright this sucks.
One year before, I ponder how was it gonna be like when I’m finally a secondary 4 student. Become more studious? Having a scheduled daily life? Did my revisions everyday? Finally handed up my homework without having to copy? NONE. Alright maybe I did improved on the last one, but hey, that shouldn’t be the case in the first place isn’t it?
I srsly thought I would make a good use of my June holidays. But NO. Really I basically spent my whole June holidays away completely without any revisions of any subject. I suck, don’t I? Now the prelims are drawing near, I can’t help to feel afraid. Prelims, shortly after, its the real exams. I heard of people saying that PSLE is easy, N-levels is easy, and even A-levels is easy. But I srsly don’t hear people saying that O-levels is easy. Am I being over-paranoid? Definitely not.
I take 7 subjects. But in fact, I have to study for nine. While everyone can enjoy having other lessons during mother tongue, I’m still stuck with my higher mother tongue, worrying about my paper at the end of the year with the other subjects. Honestly speaking, I don’t think its fair from the beginning. Yes I know the 2 marks is very seductive, but really, its not that easy to gain. Like for my cca, I did put in the effort. Alright maybe some luck, but still, I know how much time and effort I actually gave. Getting an A1 for my CCA doesn’t come falling from the sky, it really takes hard work, and I know.
But really, since I could give my 110% for my CCA, why not to my studies? I know I’m not studious, and I’m not born with an intellectually clever brain. My brother does. But still, despite I know how much I can do it, I just can’t. Perhaps I was a really lazy person to begin with, so I don’t really see myself putting in my utmost effort. But, I did so for my amaths. If it weren’t for tuition late last year, I wouldn’t have caught up, and I’ll still be failing my amaths with an F9. I know I can do it, but I can’t find the motivation to push me further.
I hate to admit that I’m stressed. Cos it’ll only show how weak I am. How much I need counselling and guidance. How much I have to rely on others to get things done. I’ve always put up a brave front to show others that I’m strong enough to overcome all odds, but as years goes by, I’m beginning to tear down that wall that I’ve built for the past few years. I just couldn’t do it myself. I need help. I want others to care. I yearned for someone to know how I felt.
So I began tuition, admitting how stressed and life has fucked me on my blog and Twitter, showing my weak side to others for the very first time. It was then I realized it wasn’t so bad. I told others how I felt, though I’m not sure how much they understood, but at least, I could finally relate my stuffs to at least a someone and not bottle up everything inside.
I know I always complain about life. That’s cos I’m too narrow-minded sometimes. And I admit that. Sometimes I think I know myself too well, yet there are times where I felt that I was just another soul inside a stranger’s body. I don’t exactly control my emotions well, cos I just can’t. I always hoped that I’m mentally healthy cos I don’t feel normal. My emotions are always going on a roller-coaster ride. I’m really sick of that.
Alright so after typing several chunks of paragraph, I hope you can see that I’m a fucking stressed student trying to de-stress everything on her blog. Sorry I don’t have a journal and typing seems like a easier chore. For once in my 16 years of life, I’m actually feeling really really really terrified. It’s a much more scarier emotion than when you’re in a haunted house. It’s my future I’m talking about. And I’m only 16. I still feel that its too early for such emotions to surface.
So instead of revising my work now, I’m typing this whole chunk of words. Anyway I should be sleeping now. But I don’t want to spent the rest of the day doing nothing. This is what I go through everyday. Fuck. But then, it feels better to convey all my thoughts and feelings to the cyber world. Perhaps I should do this more often.
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July 24, 2011 at 12:36 pm Enter your password to view comments.
Fragments of the past
Ok I was reminded of what happened last Friday about our DM in school, which makes me ponder why the heck can he even be made DM in the first place. Alright so that’s not my point. My point is, my primary school DM was much much better than him. He was an ex-CID and was much younger and better-looking, alright not really very good-looking but at least BETTER. Everyone was really terrified of him cos he’ll be holding on to a cane every time he patrols around the school. Yup but he was an impartial person. He’ll only punish whoever had misbehaved and definitely would not blend in with the students. I mean, the students would have to be respectful towards you to make them adhere to whatever you say isn’t it? I think that’s what a DM should be like.
Anyway, I didn’t really have experiences with him cos mainly, I was a rather well-behaved student. Hehe (primary schools, how bad can it be?) Except for once though. It was sort of a bully case and I was the victim. But then it wasn’t really that serious cos it was only a mere play that got out of hand. I couldn’t remember the details, but it was something like this guy strangled me while playing around really ecstatically and I almost couldn’t breathe so I cried like hell. The case was then brought to the DM and I broke down in front of him, and he was nice to comfort me and punished the guy. Yup the memories were vague but it left a strong impression on me. Cos ironically, I actually liked the guy for that (he apologized and we were friends again then yada yada) and he even went to the same secondary school as I was. Yeah it was so stupid.
Basically, it felt more like school during the primary school years. There’s like school buses, parents/guardians to fetch you after school and activities to make us learn more. But nonetheless, secondary schools are better cos gadgets and ankle socks were allowed, and most importantly, I didn’t feel like a kid anymore. Well perhaps if I were to write this post 3 years before, I would say I love primary school better. LOL. I mean, at different stages of life, you’ll feel differently. Like now, I’m leaving secondary school in a few months time, I’m beginning to appreciate wearing school uniforms and having lessons. Yeah. Sigh.
I’m sure everyone has the desire to grow up when you’re young. Now that I’m growing up, I don’t mind being a kid again. Growing up ain’t cool at all, srsly. Like how my parents always nag that studying is good for me, and you’ll regret not treasuring the days when you’re a student. I think they’re absolutely right.
A June I’ll miss
So I was getting bored and decided to do a post about how my June holidays was spent. K so basically, I STAYED HOME ALMOST EVERYDAY DURING THE 30 DAYS. Except for extra lessons during the first/second/third week, I practically spent the whole holiday in my home sweet home. Yeah its mundane life and all but I kinda enjoyed it. 
I guess the most interesting thing I’ve done is heading down to Downtown East/Wild Wild Wet. It was much better than I thought it would be. Turns out that I had a splashing good time at the playground/on the float. They had this so-called river that went round the whole wild wild wet and fe and I went for 5 crazy rounds! Hahaha initially we wanted to stop at about 2-3 but it was ridiculously fun so we headed for a few more. If it weren’t for the fact that it was gonna rain perhaps we might not have stopped at 5. LOL. I really like the big solid float btw. <3 I kinda regretted not taking the really ‘exciting’ rides but I doubt I have the courage to get up there in the first place. 
So yeah.
Oh yes, I’VE FORGOTTEN TO BRING A TOWEL THERE. I think that’s one of the dumbest thing that has ever happened to me. So I had to resort to buying a towel from their wet store which was like $7.90 and better still, I had insufficient money. 
Ended up both of us became broke and I felt rather guilty. ;( Anyway it was a lesson learnt and I swear I’ll always remember to bring a towel. So after our bath we were supposed to head to chalet, but seeing how the whole cohort had to squeeze into the tiny chalet having semi-raw indoor barbecue food, we went to macs and had dinner instead. Walked around the area and realized there’s this place called the e-hub and fe was super fascinated. We agreed to book a chalet after the ‘o’s and even planned our activities. Hahaha so yes. We ended up going home at around 9plus and the trains were unexpectedly packed like peak hours. ;( Train from Pasir Ris to Clementi took like forever I swear.
I felt rather guilty for procrastinating my holiday homework till the very last few days. Revisions were not even started and its as though I’ve wasted the entire holiday. But yes, I had a rather satisfying rest throughout the one month but I’m sure everyone would be asking for more 
I think that pretty much sums up my June holidays? Yeah yeah I know its boring. No trips no nothing. Skipped the class outing cos…………………… I’m not interested in going?
Oh yeah oh yeah I’ll also never forget this day when I was waiting the entire day for Bu Bu Jing Xin’s 36 mins trailer. It was a horrendous day and I kept refreshing weibo and tieba to make sure I get the first hand info. The trailer was okay in general but was expecting more. Oh and if you’re wondering what show I’m saying, the poster looks like this:
The reason why I’m so anticipating is cos its a really popular internet novel a few years back and Liu Shi Shi is one of my favorite actress of all time. Shall not blabber how much I love her but she’s just awesome. <3 Yeap I love the cast and story plot, couldn’t ask for more. 
We are lazy people
It suddenly dawned on me that nobody keeps a blog nowadays. It used to be such a trend but not anymore. People are just too lazy to update their blogs and with the emergence of sites like Twitter and Facebook, people are no longer writing posts. Well, I have to admit that I’m one of those that would rather tweet than blogging, since its micro-blogging plus I don’t have to think of a title, categorize my posts etc. City dwellers tend to seek for convenience in their already-hectic daily lives and Twitter/Facebook has proven itself to be the one-stop platform.
I miss the days when I used to categorize my link list in alphebetical order and others would link me back. Now, I seriously doubt I’ll even need one. This is the part where I hate most about reminiscing. Disappointment.
Back again
After much consideration, I’ve decided to come back to WordPress. I’m definitely not staying for long, cos there’s so many things going on this year plus I do not have that much enthusiasm in blogging anymore. So yeah.
